Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
