You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
how drunk are you?
Several
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize