I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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