Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
