I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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