If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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