So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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