Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
