Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
