i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
