I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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