I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
