That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
