Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
