Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
