It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
