just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
