my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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