I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my phone needs a breathalizer
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
