She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
