remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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