Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
