sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
