someone threw a dead crab at me
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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