I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
