We're like a lot better than the average bears
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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