Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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