and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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