I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
