it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
