youre lurking in front of me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
