"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize