get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
