i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
