Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
