I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
