What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
