'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
