what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
