I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Damn victory sex feels great
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
