i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
