How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
