I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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