Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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