I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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