If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I need to align my fucking chakras
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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