Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
