At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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