Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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