I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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