you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
