someone threw a dead crab at me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
