i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
