Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Floor bacon is actually really good
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize