We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
