yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize