I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
