I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
