So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
