I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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