yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
